Following my own advice about providing specific ideas for getting things done, I want to follow up my newsletter from last week with 5 ways to say no in a manner that should help you stay in the good graces of the requester.
Some people can say no so graciously that I sometimes feel honored that I have been turned down. It’s one of the reasons I have read Pride and Prejudice many times, and still I get flustered easily when I cannot be of service to someone. I have to practice saying no.
I also have to remind myself that over-committing out of guilt or other misguided reasons hurts both me and the other party. Plus it does not serve to build long term relationships. Guilt is usually a program in our mind, not a true emotion. Knowing this has helped me to move more quickly through feeling badly about saying no.
Here are 5 specific phrases to use as a starting point for saying no graciously:
One Moment Makes It Possible
My vision for HGCYSI? is “Everyone knows how to create one moment of Joyful Work, every day.”
Why just one moment? Life cannot always contain “good” things, and if it did it would be quite boring. Life happens, and challenges come our way. Some things cannot be avoided or controlled.
What we can control is our reaction to them…
As I think about my year ahead, the concept of saying NO keeps coming back to me. I have a propensity to want to do lots of things, pretty much everything that comes my way!
I thought it was just me, but over the years I have discovered it’s a natural tendency for the majority of humans.
I vividly remember a colleague telling me that was the best management idea I had shared with him. That was almost 20 years ago, and I am still practicing. Warren Buffet helped me take this concept to the next level,
The legacy of Martin Luther King, we are still working toward it.
Just tell me what to do!
That’s not always what I want, but there are times when specific instructions are useful. For example, when I will only do something one time, then I want specific instructions to get it done quickly so I can move on. A good example of this is changing my password on LinkedIn.
Other times are when something is new to me, or not a skill I want to develop into a core competency. Examples of this are expanding my circles in Google+, or enhancing the reach of the digital marketing for my company.
Yesterday I experienced a third type of learning situation. A speaker presented on “workplace diversity.” He did a marvelous job of telling his story so I got to know him and wanted to learn more. Then he talked about the benefits of workplace diversity and some changes he’s seen in his consulting practice. It was a great talk and I was really engaged listening to him.
But I left wanting more, and not very inspired.
Confidence is key on our journey of personal growth. It’s such a core concept that I usually forget about it. I was joyfully reminded of it’s value when I went through the exercise to choose a word for the year with my Toastmasters Club.
One member chose confidence as his word for the year. Focusing on confidence is his basis to grow his comfort level and abilities as a speaker, and as a leader.
The second I heard him utter the word, I knew I had to write about it. I think when we talk about confidence as the support structure for personal growth, we are referring to self-confidence.
The dictionary says that confidence is “full trust, belief in the powers of a person or thing.” Love that: full trust.
Guest post from the Desk of Patricia Aburdene. Though she sent this last November, I was re-reading it the other day and wanted to share because there are so many good thoughts for starting a New Year. Enjoy!
November brings falling leaves, shortened days, frosty nights, and perhaps the first snowfall. The Celtic feast of Samhain (which we celebrate as Halloween and All Saints Day) ushers in the year’s eighth and final cycle. The year’s growth phase is complete. But even as the old fruit withers away, its seeds are buried deep in the earth to germinate at Winter Solstice and sprout into new life next year. Spiritually speaking, this is a critical phase. We’ve harvested the year’s achievements-both inner and outer-but have yet to fully grasp and integrate them.